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The Perfect Thanksgiving Food for Every MLB Team

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Many people associate Thanksgiving with football, perhaps because that sport is in season for the holiday, schedules games for the holiday and generally makes a production out of its connection with the holiday.

But let that not stop us from seeking, and finding, a baseball link to Thanksgiving. One of the joys of baseball is its frivolity; therefore, as we await any real baseball news, Sports Illustrated presents MLB teams as Thanksgiving foods, a likely incomplete and certainly ridiculous rundown.

The Rangers have every right to be the drunk uncles at Thanksgiving this year.

Jerome Miron/USA Today Sports

Champagne: Rangers

Champs for the champs.

Beer: Phillies

They ultimately disappointed, but even so, no one throws a party like the Phillies.

Wine: Atlanta

Their 2021 title team boasted a Burgundy Boys club. The 2023 version, which bowed out in the NLDS, did kind of a lot of complaining.

Water: A’s

Much like owner John Fisher’s boondoggle of a Las Vegas stadium, it’s funded by taxpayers.

Shrimp cocktail: Mariners

It’s fun, but it’s over before the main course.

Deviled eggs: Giants

Eggs are pretty good on their own, but if you mess around with them enough, you can squeeze just a little more value out of them.

Cheese and crackers: Cubs

Did you expect this to be the Brewers? Well, the Cubs offered it $40 million.

Mixed nuts: Mets

Surprisingly expensive for the performance they produce.

Turkey: Yankees

The current product may put you to sleep, but you have to admit it’s not Thanksgiving without it.

Cranberry sauce: Angels

Why does this never taste good? I always think this will be the year it will taste good.

Homemade or canned? Angels fans would settle for anything that goes down smoothly at this point.

Henry Taylor/USA TODAY Network

Stuffing: Pirates

A historically meaningful franchise that has gotten a little dry.

Gravy: Diamondbacks

No one expected this season’s pennant, including them, and they’re well set up for the future, too.

Mashed potatoes: Red Sox

A Thanksgiving stalwart, but no matter how good it is, it’s really not quite as important as the turkey.

Green bean casserole: Cardinals

An iconic dish that might not be able to keep up with some of the new up-and-comers.

Brussels sprouts: Padres

For a long time, we thought they were terrible. Then we found out it was because we’d been making them wrong.

Salad: Reds

Where are you gonna go, Christmas?

Cornbread: Brewers

Always the side dish, never the main course.

Rolls: Marlins

You can save whatever doesn’t get eaten to make a Jake Burger.

Mac and cheese: Dodgers

It’s so good while you’re eating it—but it often makes you sick at the end.

Come to think of it, wouldn’t macaroni taste pretty good on top of a Dodger Dog?

Chris Day/USA TODAY Network

Butternut squash: Nationals

Much like the Nationals’ young core, it needs to ripen before it’s any good.

Carrots: Orioles

They’re orange and they involve having vision. They are also enjoying a resurgence.

Candied yams: Astros

The most polarizing food on the list—but somehow, year after year, hate it or love it, it’s still there.

Tourtière: Blue Jays

What do you want? It’s Canadian.

Leftovers sandwich: Rays

They take other teams’ castoffs and somehow end up with one of the best combinations of all.

Pumpkin pie: Twins

You never expect it to be the best pie, but then you taste them all and you’re like, Hey, this is pretty good!

Peanut butter pie: Tigers

It kind of looks like tiger stripes, plus they employ a guy named Reese (Olson).

Pecan pie: White Sox

Sometimes you just have to start from scratch.

Apple pie: Royals

It’s a classic, but it’s actually slightly out of season. Kind of like hitting singles and pitching to contact.

Chocolate pie: Guardians

This should taste better, shouldn’t it?

That weird thing that only your family makes: Rockies

They are doing their own thing, all the time. 

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